An illustrated walkthrough on how to appreciate and survive the ANU

An illustrated walkthrough on how to appreciate and survive the ANU (when you still don't have much academic hullabaloo to worry about yet)

(this is, by the way, my first and, therefore, uncreative attempt to take pictures without being noticed)

From the bus stop, in order to get to anywhere, you need to tread through a really bushy track. Once you've braved that, you will be greeted by a pleasant looking phallic sculpture...

when you see this, you'll know you're on the right track (and that physics students are queer)

Walk straight through the grass, and remember not to be intimidated by students walking faster than you...after all, they really might have somewhere urgent to go, or they just might have really long legs unlike yours and mine. As you trod through

the path made famous for its various metamorphoses during the year (for now, its fashioning the summer look)

first be aware that, no, you are not in China as the loud majority of superiority complexed Chinese hooligans to your right, left, front and centre may suggest...you are actually soiling what is ranked the 22nd best university on planet earth...

and did you know filipino students enrolled in this institution are confirmed to be the smartest human beings to ever exist?

Keep on going and you'll see the famous union court, a gathering area where a lot of students are able to go about their daily routine of eating, making out, and bashing their favourite arts or law students.

this is a picture of the union court (at 6pm, believe it or not) on what had supposedly been a very successful and exciting celebration of international women's day

try sitting on the steps and see why they say the ANU is a microcosm of 'multicultural Australia'...

only here will you get to see...

...happy sri lankans

...flanked by a lonely australian

...who happens to be sitting across a fixture of mixed colours on the wall and on top of each other.

if you're lucky, a singaporean secret agent with the codename of 'vanness' will hopefully come up to you and ask you to play basketball with him, of which you'd be better off politely declining and instead challenging him to badminton the next day, of which you will bitterly lose but of course will redeem yourself when you find out that you actually play basketball better than him

while you're in the whole socialising mode, why not forcefully bump into an irish-australian and start a conversation about the middle-east? you'd probably be surprised that she can both speak and write arabic and is almost certainly going to jordan next year all by herself to learn to deal with the problems that have plagued the world since 9/11. I'd advise a rebuttal consisting of some esoteric knowledge about Muslim burials recently excavated in Southeast Asia that instead of pointing to Mecca, as they should be, shockingly point to South China; and that archaeology is cool.

If that doesn't work, shut your mouth and your camera and just be content that you've been blessed with the fortitude of good experience and company. And that at least now you know the reason why australian beef doesn't taste as good because here they don't drain the blood of the cow before they butcher it, which leaves the smell of old blood and spews up an awkward smell when you fry it for tomorrows baon.

God bless.